Sadie Bee

Hi! I have been absent from here for a few weeks. We’ve been in the heart of summer and I have been home with both kiddos. I also am closing one work chapter and preparing for another. Switching gears for my kids, too. My to-do-list is very long. I also have really poured into social media and trying to promote my books. I know once the school year starts that my Momarketing time will be greatly decreased. This morning I was on Instagram and saw DarylAnn’s post about people being rude and mean in regards to her tone’s launch. I have repeatedly contacted my favorite influencers to share  my books. I feel annoying. But, Instagrams is one of the main social media platforms I use and the only tool I know how to use at the moment to promote my books. I would much rather be annoying than rude. Anyways, I am in awe of the influencers. To be so vulnerable and open with the world on social media, cannot be easy. It makes me sad that they have to endure poor comments. Like she said, if you do not like it, that is fine… you do not need to be rude. I have had a few influencers respond to me and I cannot express how grateful I am for that. I know they get flooded with people reaching out to them… whether it is just to say hi, criticize them, ask them a question, or in my case asking them for help. So to the ones who have replied, thank you. It means the world to me and you have given me hope to continue this Momarketing of mine. For the influencers who have not responded, thank you, too. I know you guys are so busy and bombarded daily and that you are always trying your best. I truly cannot imagine.

If you are reading this, be nice. The world needs kindness. I understand they are putting themselves on social media and in some of your eye’s to be “judged”, but that’s not it. They are making a life for themselves and their families. Who are we to judge them for that? And for a Mom like me, home with my kids in the summer, they help me feel connected and not alone. I would rather be an Insta-Influencers than an Insta-Icky.

After a few hard days, my mind keeps drifting to the depression and anxiety surveys you are required to fill out after having a baby or when at a new doctors office. Trust me, as a counselor, I understand the importance of those surveys, but I just wonder how honest people can be on them. I know the point of them is to open the door to conversations and they are not the end all be all for answers. So where my mind has gone with that thought train is–is it hard to be honest on them because that would mean admitting faults of your own? Or because being honest means hurting someone you care about? Like maybe admitting yes on there feels like putting a target on someone who you love. Yet marking yes means they are contributing to your pain. Or maybe it is hard because it is the start to admitting to yourself that you need help. Admitting that you need help always seems like you’re opening yourself up to a label. You’re broken. You’re damaged. But you’re not. Admitting you need help is the biggest step of strength. As humans, our bodies may be deficient in something. Maybe the cards you were dealt as a kid were extra hard. Maybe life has been difficult lately. Whatever the reason, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and nothing wrong with needing help. You’re also not a bad guy if seeking help means you have to state a few hard truths about people you love. That is the first step towards healthy boundaries and communication. That was a lot. Some heavy stuff for a Monday. Who knew a simple action of circling yes or no could hold so much weight. So if you’ve been there or find yourself there one day hesitating between the yes and the no and the level of honest you want to be… I believe in you. I am proud of you. Taking care of yourself is not selfish and your life is more important than any label anyone can give you. Labels come and go. You cannot.

In the middle of my travels this weekend, I found myself drifting off to think about my children. No surprise there. As a Mom, they are on my mind 110% of the time. I was unloading the truck, moving mattresses, and getting my family set up for a weekend at the cabin and I was doing it by myself. My husband walked in once I was done (no fault of his on the timing) and started asking all the questions where I verbally expressed all items on the checklist were done, done, done. I was raised to just do it. Be helpful. Contribute to the room. As someone who is a giver by nature, being raised that way has shaped me into a very independent human. I would rather do something than ask for help. Now, that does not mean I won’t get annoyed with the individual sitting on the couch while I am doing things. Often an argument in my marriage haha.. my mindset is if something needs done, just do it, and I get so frustrated with people who do not operate on that level. Yet I love being a strong, independent woman who people know they can count on. It is often very conflicting within my brain. Back to how this got me thinking about my children. I want to raise them to be the same way. Go getters. Helpers. Givers. I also want to raise them to recognize when they cannot do something. I want them to ask for help. Seek clarification. Ask the questions. Find their corner of people who they know they can rely on when they cannot carry the weight of something alone. This life is too hard for anyone to think they should have to do it all alone. I want them to recognize in themselves and in others when to step up and when to step down. My parents would do ANYTHING for me yet they did not do everything. Sounds conflicting, right? It is. Yet, I get it. I would do anything for my kids. If they needed help, I would try my best to help them even if it meant sacrificing my own life. And at the same time, I will not do everything for them. The best thing I can do for them is to teach them to be independent. I can try to guide them to courage yet enough fear to be cautious. Kind but self-aware enough to say no and set boundaries. Curious yet humble enough to know when to ask for help. Independent, but confident enough in our relationship to know they can always come home. My goal is to support them through anything, but not to hand them everything.

Being the first person in a group of siblings to have children, you often hear “oh the first grandkid!” Having the first grandchild is a big deal. There is something so special about watching your parents be grandparents. But what isn’t talked about as much, or maybe it is, and I just lived in a world of ignorance is the role that Aunts and Uncles play. I have fantastic Aunts and Uncles but I never knew the depth of what that meant until I got to see my siblings transition into those roles. In fact, one of my favorite parts of being a mother is watching how intensely my people love my little humans. Seeing the joy that my people bring to my children is the absolute best. Just recently though I have realized that I fear I cannot and will not be the aunt to their littles as they have been to mine. I LOVE my nieces and nephews beyond fiercely, but the selflessness that my siblings gave to me to help me transition into the mother role and to love on my littles cannot be returned on that same level. In order for me to give my time and help like they gave me, I still have to have people in my corner helping me. I can help them when I have people willing to help me, but even then my time with them comes with the guilt of not being with my own children… so yet again, I am there and invested, but it will never be all of me like they were able to give my kiddos for a few years. Even though during this initial chapter of my siblings becoming parents, I cannot be there for them in all the ways they were me, I do hope I can return the love and support in additional ways throughout our lives. Relationships are not always 50/50. My siblings have given me and my children more than we’ve given the last few years and if or when I can, I hope to give back more than we take. To the sweet peanuts I adventured with last weekend, to the sweet peanut I made laugh yesterday, and to the sweet peanut I rocked all night long last night, I will always cherish our moments and I will always be in your corner. I love you. I love you. I love you.

This past weekend I stepped away from my kids for a night to listen to some live music. I thoroughly enjoyed my time yet could not wait to squeeze their little faces. People are not joking when they say Mom guilt is real. Yet my cup needs to be filled in ways besides through my children or I cannot be the best me for them. Expecting my children to be the sole people responsible for filling my cup is a huge and unfair burden on little humans who do not need that. Finding the balance between feeling like me and being the Mom I want to be to my children is so hard. The reason I am here and am typing all these random thoughts to the internet and whomever may stumble upon this page is because I decided 2023 would be the year about me. The year I stop being afraid of putting myself out there. The year I stop being afraid of change. Deciding to self-publish children’s books has become so much more of a journey than I could have thought. I didn’t pursue publishing for financial gain. But once I started hearing the feedback from people connecting with my words, I did not want to stop. I do not want to stop. Marketing “myself” in this world today is not me. I am awkward. I am not an open book. I don’t even have time most days to shower. Yet, I have found myself continually trying various social media platforms. I have tried multiple ways of reaching individuals who I hope will just give my books a chance. It is like that quote, “I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 different ways that have not worked.” I keep thinking that if nobody has enjoyed my books yet that I have failed. But then I pause and think… okay, April 2023 was not that long ago. These books are out there now. We still have time for them to be the “break” in life that I need. Want. Crave. If you find my Instagram, I have started using the #influencer.. even though I am not trying to be an influencer. Do not get me wrong… I love popping onto Instagram to see my favorite influencers. So if I am not trying to be an influencer and I do not want to market myself… I find myself in moments of, “What am I doing?” and then I find myself in moments of “You can do this.” How does this tie into the beginning of this blog—Me? or Mom? Because I am pushing myself so I can be the Mom I want to be. I want to make my kids proud. I want to continue to show them I chased my dreams. I pursued a passion that gave me a “high” like no other… publishing books. Connecting with people through MY random thoughts and feelings. As somebody, who has grown up being called sensitive and too emotional, I have finally figured out that there is no better way to fill my cup than to connect with people through my words. By hearing how you relate or felt while reading my books, my cup gets filled. I am not alone. Putting myself out there, and in some aspects feeling like a little bit of a creep with a whole lot of desperation, I am hoping I can look back one day and say, “I did it, kids and you can too. I am always in your corner. Life takes failing. The victory is that you do not give up on something that you are passionate about. Something that helps you feel like you. Whatever version of you that you want to be.”

We were on an evening side by side ride. My daughter knows we sit down buckled when riding. Yet she decided to test the waters and stand up. She was admiring the sunset. Before telling her to sit down,  I paused to admire her. My mind started wandering… how do I keep her safe? Yet let her be wild? You know all those quotes and memes about how you’ll appreciate her fire and sass when she is older, independent, and making a difference in this world? I guess the best I can do is to show her and give her all I know. So instead of sheltering her, I am hoping to be honest enough and educate her enough that she’ll learn right and wrong, safe and unsafe on her own. Honesty is hard and a lot of people think we should shelter kids from the truth, but that is not how I am choosing to parent my children. I am choosing to be honest. When my three year old comes back with her current favorite phrase of, “why?” I do not always know what to say. I do not know why everything is the way it is. I sometimes do not know how to explain things for a child’s mind while being honest. It truly is hard. Yesterday she came up to me crying because she had broke one of my outdoor statues. I sent a snap to my sisters because it is one we all three have. They responded with: You should be proud. She knew she messed up and she knew she could come tell you. That is amazing. And that, my friends, is how I always hope our dynamic is… I give her enough space to let her grow, yet love her hard enough that she’ll always see me as a safe place.

To my wild, adventurous, yet SO empathetic and caring THREE year old. You blow my mind with who you are already. I hope you are always true to you. This world needs more of you. Keep being the sunshine, baby.

I love my kids more than anything. I often say motherhood is the best, yet hardest journey I have been on and I have been through some. I want nothing but the best for my kids, but showing them and giving them the best if often so damn hard. I am starting to realize that taking care of myself is what will help me achieve that. But how do I do that when I am always needed? and I want to be needed? Yet I want a minute to myself? Balancing all of that is hard. I have realized that right now my kids are in a chapter of life that as long as they feel and know they are loved, I am doing okay. I am learning to accept who I am and all I can give. Father’s Day always puts me in my feels as I am missing my right hand, go-to man, and my daughter is in an age where she asks repeatedly about him and where he has gone… I love that. I do. I want her to remember him even though she will never fully know his joy and who he shaped me to be. But again, damn it gets hard. Being strong for my kids does not mean I do not show emotions. Being strong for my kids means I show emotion and I help them see and learn what I am feeling and how I am handling it. You’ve got this parents. It isn’t easy, but it is so damn worth it.

Hi!

My name is Sadie Dabney. I am a small town inhabitant, school counselor, fur mama to a chocolate lab, and mama to two beautiful babies. I was three weeks into my motherhood journey when I unexpectedly lost my right-hand-man, my dad. Navigating my new chapter and postpartum hormones was difficult. I found comfort in writing. Fast-forward almost four years and I finally took the leap of faith and pursued self-publishing of my first children’s book. Love You More, Miss You Always is a result of an increasing fear of not being here for all of the milestones and memories with my children. If you give my book a chance, I hope your children love it and you connect with it no matter what chapter of parenthood you are in at this moment. Pop over to my Instagram and let me know what you think!

Check-back here occasionally for more random exhausted Mom thoughts.