Month: September 2023

I am 31 years old. I do not know everything and sometimes still struggle to adult yet I also feel more self aware than ever. I’m more aware now of boundaries and healthy communication than I’ve ever been. I’m aware that defining those things for me does not make me a mean human. I am a school counselor and spent four years guiding high school students out into the world. Now I’m working with middle schoolers. Unfortunately, I see a lot of young adults without biological parents. They’re with grandparents or aunts and uncles. That is okay, but it increases the need of some things. Even kiddos who have both parents in their home or two homes with loving, attentive parents, I cannot help but think 18 is still too young to throw out into the world.

Hear me out.

I am not saying 18 year olds cannot be adults. They’re ready by then to be done with school and make money or go to college. But society puts such a heavy emphasis on those college years being the best years of someone’s lives yet we also criticize those who don’t have it figure out just yet. That’s confusing. If that time frame is meant for exploring and finding oneself, that’s fine. My point is we need to stop acting like humans don’t need their parents or guidance after 18. They can be an adult and still need their parent. I mean, I do and I’m 31. Biologically brains are still developing until when?! 20 something?! We’ve had them in a structured environment, with teachers guiding them and consequences their entire lives and at 18 we say good luck! Again, letting 18 year olds become “adults” is fine… but let’s normalize, regular check ins with our adult children and stop acting like we don’t owe them anything once they become adults, let’s normalize career changes, let’s normalize education beyond high school and no I’m not saying college, I’m saying therapy and other support groups to help individuals navigate relationships and careers, such as healthy communication, personal and professional boundaries… let’s normalize that 18-mid 20s might not be the peak age for someone. We turn 21 and can legally have alcohol. So many individuals don’t know how to handle that. Maybe 30s is their peak. Maybe it’s 40s. Hell, my grandma is 80 something and I think she’s the best human ever loving on her kids, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.

Celebrating each stage of life is important. Supporting each stage of life is important.
Shaming someone, even adults, for needing help is not okay.
Life happens. Someone cannot predict things. How they’ll feel or react. How it might shift their universe. Seeking help is okay. Not having it all together at 30 is okay. So again, let’s normalize humans at any age, needing their parents, needing guidance, or needing support.

It is okay to not be okay.

Calling all the MOMS out there. Here is something for you to focus on DAILY. Damn it. Yes, daily! FOCUS ON YOU. You give so much of yourself everyday to your little humans and I applaud you for that. I know you wouldn’t have it any other way and it is also okay to need a moment to feel like YOU. Not Mom. But it’s so hard to separate the two.. and since it truly is so hard to find that separation, I am going to change your mindset. Stop trying to find a balance between the two. Let’s start normalizing being a Mom and being you. You don’t have to stop identifying as Mom to identify as yourself. Because I get it. Your kids make up the biggest part of your identity these days and that’s beautiful. Instead of seeking for the old you. Find the new you. The you that takes care of you and feels like a human all while still knowing your mom. Separating the two adds to your guilt! Mom guilt is bad enough as it is… don’t add unnecessary guilt to that. So enjoy yourself and moments of yourself without feeling guilty for “not being mom” for a second, hour, day, or weekend.

I challenge you to have a MOM moment everyday.

MOMENT OF ME

 

And I want to hear all about it. What did you do today for yourself?!?! No matter how small.

 

I am finding myself fixating on one word these days. One word that encompasses my mood or current state of mind. Today I drove an hour, kid free, and found myself focused on the word HOPE. I realized hope might be one of the hardest things. Often times what we hope  for might be dependent on someone else. I suppose that is why we call it hope. If it was something that we could control ourselves, we would talk about hardwork and determination. But hope… It fills us with a desire and one that we sometimes do not know how to face if not fulfilled.

 

I had a big name, IG influencer share my books today on her stories. She was kind enough to reply to me awhile ago and trust in me to send her my books. When I saw she tagged me, I filled with so much hope. Maybe this is my moment. Maybe this is how my name and books get out they’re. It is so hard to not get your hopes up sometimes.

This is where hardwork comes into play with the word hope. If it doesn’t work this time, I’ll keep trying. I believe in myself and my books enough to continue to try and put myself out there. My kids deserve that from me, too.

Change is hard. As humans, we’re tossed into systems (school, sports, clubs, babysitters, etc) and are essentially forced to adjust. We become creatures of habit. Some of us seek adventure. Some of us seek routine. Nonetheless, change whether chosen or uncontrolled brings all kinds of feelings to the surface. Some people say change is good. Forces us to become okay with the challenging.

If that’s true, I am here to tell you that even if you’re being forced to face the change, you never have to do it alone. Seeking a friend, family member, or even a therapist… is encouraged. You are not a burden. There will be times where the roles might reverse and you are the strong one. Living life trying to find an equal balance of things will leave you exhausted. You have to find an internal peace. Not an external balance.

So again, change can be hard.. especially the unexpected kind. I am a full believer in living each day trying to be better than who you were yesterday. That’s the beauty of being a human… we have the ability to learn. As long as you’re trying to be better and do better with each day and lesson, you’re doing just fine. Live for you and your internal peace. Not for the external worlds reassurance.

Think about it like walking on a log. You’re trying not to fall into the water below. But what if you do? Let it ruin your day? Or soak in the moment? Laugh and just keep swimming.