Why?

Why do humans thrive off of “drama?”

Why do humans enjoy “stirring the pot” for someone else’s lives?

Don’t we know the world can be unkind enough as it is without that added nonsense?

There have been so many speculations on my life lately and I get that. From the outside, I can understand how it looks, but the outside view is not the reality. Instead of people adding to the struggles of my day-to-day life… I wish they would just ask me. I’m not an open book where I am going to air all my dirty laundry and drag people through this yucky mud with me, but I also would much rather share as much of the truth as an outsider needs to stop the curiosity and rumor mills. I mean I find comfort in blogging so obviously some of my internal thoughts are out here to the public already. It is ridiculous. If you look at the life events I have gone through recently, the day-to-day of finding my new normal and showing up the best I can for my two toddlers is hard enough.

It is such a saddening thought that others find joy in bringing individuals down. I do not understand that. I understand there is a need to stick up for yourself. I understand there is a need for healthy boundaries. Those are not things that make you mean. It is the unkind, unnecessary words and the going out of your way to belittle someone else. -I know I  am no saint and it has taken me a fair amount of time to learn this, but that is the thing, I am not in high school anymore. I am 31. Why can adults be just as bad as kids? Isn’t that a big part of life? Growing up and changing? Learning? Trying to be better than who we were yesterday.

I am not saying you have to like me. I am simply stating many of the individuals judging me, speculating, and filling whatever void in their own life do not know me. It is like being caught in a wave and just when you think you’re swimming and maintaining above water, another wave comes out of nowhere and pulls you back down. But you cannot be down. You have two little humans who depend on you so no matter how hard it is to find the surface, you keep fighting. Finding that breath of air and staying afloat is worth so much more than the other things trying to drag you down. It is not easy. But life is worth it. They are worth it. You are worth it. And hopefully soon, the waves settle and you’re allowed to tread forward and land back on the surface to enjoy the view. The view of your hard work and the beautiful things that life can give.