Google says that peace is defined as freedom from disturbance. For awhile, as a Mom, I was not sure I would ever feel complete internal peace. Sounds pretty messed up right? But it goes hand and hand with the emotions of motherhood–I will always worry about my children, I will always question if I am doing the right thing or the best thing. Can I have those fears and internal peace? My to do list always seems a mile long. Disappointed when I do not tackle it all and yet cannot keep my eyes open. Can I accept it is okay that my to do list isn’t done? I am slowly learning that I can. Those big emotions of motherhood and the adult to do list will always be there, but that does not mean I cannot be okay with myself and who I am. I will not always make the right choices as a Mom or as a human, but showing my kids how to go through life being present and at peace with who they are will be one of the best things I can show them. Each day as my head hits the pillow after tucking in my two, sweet little babies, I try to remind myself if I gave today the best I could and my children felt loved, it is okay. I am okay. We are okay.
Recently my life has been chaotic. It has not been the fairytale one dreams of or the life I ever thought would be mine. And even in the middle of some really hard chaos, I have felt the most internally at peace that I have in a long time. I have put myself first. I am not nor have I neglected my children, but I am allowing my headspace and my emotions to be a priority. It is like I was underwater holding my breath and I forgot what it feels like to reach the surface and feel that grasp of air. I knew I needed it, but I did not know if I would ever get there again.
I have a long ways to go, but I can now see that I will get there. Day by day. So if you feel like you are drowning, you might be. You need to figure out whatever is weighing you down and find a way to let it go. Your internal peace is so important. If there is something in your life that is causing you to internally fight with yourself, that is not okay.