Statistics… Stats.. a class many people probably tried to avoid in school.
Statistics hits differently when you starting defining yourself as one. I am now a statistic. One I never thought I would be. One I vowed I would not be. But life… life sometimes hits you in a way that you cannot plan for. You cannot prepare for. So, here I am, a statistic. I mean honestly we all are…. you can find a statistic for what you look like. My daughter is four and has heard multiple times already how rare she is as a red headed blue eyed girl who could potentially left handed.
37.6%.. that is the stat I can identify with now.
Instead of labeling me as a statistic (or even my children because of my life choices they are a stat, too), why can’t the world just pause and think why? Is she okay? Is he okay? Are their kids okay? Does it really matter if we added to the percentage of divorces with children in the United States if we did what needed to happen to provide a HEALTHY life for them? Life happens. It sucks sometimes. It really does, but if you have been or are in my shoes, ignore the statistic. Be proud of yourself for recognizing what you needed to start the road to becoming the best version of you. Sometimes two households is better than one. I was so worried about being labeled and what people would say, but at the end of the day does that matter? No. The important thing is that I can wake up everyday and say I am trying my best and I love my children. Honestly, I am starting to learn the importance and depth of loving myself, too. It takes a lot to ignore the words and statistics and do what you need to do for yourself.
My grandma is one of the best humans in this world and life has handed her some tricky cards. She said something to me that stuck. She said that is annoys her knowing that the response people will now give me anytime something isn’t going well or right with my children’s choices is to blame it on them having divorced parents. She has every right to be annoyed because the outlook is so false. If my children make poor choices, it is not because their parents are divorced. It would be because there is a lack of PARENTING whether by two parents, one parents, married parents, divorced parents, step parents, adoptive parents—any kind of parent. Not because two people are parenting in a divorced setting. My children can have love, respect, communication, healthy boundaries, and a solid foundation of family while having two homes. It is when parents let their adult issues be more important than their children.
So, if my children ever need some extra guidance in life, it is not because I am a divorced mom. It is because
a) they are human
b) life can be hard
c) somewhere along the way they have lost faith in my ability to be there for them in the good and the bad
or d) they need extra help addressing internal things and that is okay.
Instead of focusing on the statistics that we now are, I am going to focus on being their constant. Loving them. Teaching them I am here for the ups and downs of life. I will be stern, but with explanation and LOVE. I will be honest with them. I will provide for them a healthy definition of family even if its coming from two homes.
So to statistics, I politely say goodbye.
