Sadie Bee

This weekend I was traveling with my two littles to see my family. We were stopped at a light when you could see a group of individuals collecting donations. I never have cash but did that day. I rolled my window down and heard what they were supporting. The lady gave me a high five. I asked if she would give my daughter one too. She did and complimented by daughters red hair and how beautiful she was. This sparked the lady in the car next to us to chime in and tell me how beautiful of a baby I have. My daughter got to enjoy a conversation with a very kind stranger.

We ended up at the next stoplight together where she rolled her window back down and kept talking to us. We discussed how we graduated from the same college together.

It was pure kindness. Just a simple conversation. Just a few minutes. And it made my entire mood shift. To the random lady at the stoplight, the world needs more of you. Not afraid to be kind. Not afraid to roll your window down and talk to a random stranger. We were two completely different ages. We were two different races. Yet we had something in common. That we learned within a matter of seconds. I got to then talk to my three year old about this beautiful inside and out human who was kind to us. The rest of our drive involved a very eye opening conversation for both of us. I know the world won’t always be kind and she’ll get to see that. But for now, I can try my hardest to have these open, hard conversations about how the world may be, and how we can be.

To my alumni, stoplight friend, thank you. 🖤

I think. I worry. I hold it all inside. I question. I can be in such a deep mental funk and am not sure why or how I am going to get myself out of it. I can send myself down rabbit holes I have no business being down.

and then I see those sweet faces that I get to call mine. I hear those sweet voices that call me Mama. And I’m back to being the most thankful person in the world. I know everyday I am breathing is a great day.

I go to work and hear and see the struggles of my students. And I know the best thing I can ever do in this world is love my babies the best I know how. I am not perfect and I never will be. But I will always as long as I’m blessed with breathing be here for them. The world will give them enough to worry about. I hope I can give them an inner peace of knowing they are always supported, heard, and deeply loved.

Because they deserve that. As two very tiny humans right now they have given me that without even knowing it, and I will always try my hardest to be their light when it doesn’t seem like one is shining. The bond and dynamic of child and mother is a beautiful thing and it is unstoppable when it is able to come full circle. I hope I am blessed with enough time to see just that.  🖤

 

I have started the process to publish my third children’s book. With every book I’ve published, I think it just might be my new favorite. If you know me, you know I wrote my first one years before I took the plunge to publish it. It was a coping mechanism of mine when I was in the heart of new, awful grief. When I wrote it, I wrote it for me. I wrote it for my daughter. Sharing it with the world was a level of vulnerable I was not ready for. And it also was a new feeling I did not know I would become addicted to. I love being an author. I love seeing my words come to life through characters. I love hearing people and how they enjoyed or reacted to my books. Anyways, fast forward to my third book, and it somehow still has a huge meaning to me. I took a phrase I say to my daughter all the time especially when she was two and three, and added a special meaning to it.

In my family, we are big Bigfoot people. My Dad loved the idea and so once he passed, it kind of become an unspoken obsession for me and I believe my siblings. The meaning of Bigfoot took on a whole new purpose for me… Bigfoot reminds me of my Dad because I cannot see him, but if I believe enough, I know he’s here. Cheesy? Maybe? Am I crazy? Maybe? Do I care? No.

But if you are one unfortunate enough to know the pain of grief… any little moment you can have will to help you smile, feel connected, and be reminded of that person is oh, so worth it. So, who is your Bigfoot? And if you can answer that, I truly am sorry.

Stay tuned for my third children’s book! Should hopefully be available in time for the perfect addition to Christmas gifts or that Christmas Eve tradition. Does it feature Bigfoot? No. But it does have his snowy, mysterious, mythical friend.. the Yeti. 😍

 

 

I am in a trauma informed professional development course and one of the assignments had us watch a video with Oprah Winfrey. She was discussing what every human craves. She said it comes down to love. Every human needs to be loved.

I agree with her. Whether a person can identify that or not.. humans need to be loved. I know that seems so simple. Such a basic need and thing… but is it??

You can tell someone you love them.. saying the three words doesn’t seem so hard. Right? Whether it’s a parent, friend, sibling, spouse, child.. stating I love you isn’t hard.. the hard part is knowing if the other person on the other end of those three words FEELS it. You might feel it. You might truly believe you love someone, but is that enough? It’s all about perspective. Does the other person perceive your actions and words as love? Do they feel loved by you?

This is all old news. I mean there’s a book on the four love languages for a reason. Just something that resonated with me from the trauma course. My course is about working with students, but Oprah’s comment obviously has me going down a rabbit hole about love in general. Loving someone is so important, but so is pausing to think about their perspective. It might be just as important to ask them what they need to FEEL loved by you.

Communication yet again goes a long way in the world. 🖤

For any Moms out there going through a hard time, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for whatever weight you are carrying with you that should have been left a long time ago.

Extra hard day today with the kids? Snapped easier than you’re proud of? Forgive yourself.

Forgot to set something out in preparation for dinner? Forgive yourself.

Forgot to switch over the laundry and now you need to re wash the cycle? Forgive yourself.

Did not respond to a work email? A friends text message? Forgive yourself.

Had all intentions to go to that birthday party and yet didn’t make it? Forgive yourself.

Wanted a minute to sit down so you turned on Blippi? Forgive yourself.

Did you have to tell someone to not kiss your baby? You have nothing to be sorry for.

Did you tell someone today wasn’t a good day to come over? There is no reason to feel bad.

Did you leave your kids for a few hours with someone else who loves them so you could run a few errands without the extra hands? Go you!

Did you remove yourself from an environment that was not healthy so you could heal? I am so damn proud of you.

People always talk about forgiving others. Let’s acknowledge the power in forgiving ourselves. Carrying the weight of things can be such a heavy burden. Sometimes one you do not even recognize you’re holding. As a Mom, you have enough on your plate with the daily tasks of parenting. Then let’s add a household. A job. Yourself. The hormones. Stop burdening yourself with the weight of who society thinks you should be as a Mom. Forgive yourself when necessary and recognize when you have nothing to be apologetic about. Healthy communication, boundaries, standards… do not make you mean. In fact, you need those for your children and YOURSELF.  Only you know what’s best for you and as long as your children are loved, safe, and supported society doesn’t need to know anything else. It’s your life. Your parenting journey. Your journey. You. As a human. Let go of whatever invisible weight you are holding and whomever you think you need to be. Be you. Be it freely. And be damn proud. Because no matter how you do it or what you do… somebody will always have an opinion. Those opinions might be the heaviest, useless thing you’ve ever carried. Again. Let them go. And most importantly, do not ever be apologetic for taking care of YOU. Putting yourself first is not selfish. It’s self care. It’s self love. And it is a necessity to be present, and happy for and with your children. Do you want your children to learn to take care of themselves? Not showers, brushing teeth, and all those things… but how to feel their feelings and address them? How to stand up for themselves in a healthy manner? How to notice when their cup is overfilling and they need to take a step back? To learn the difference between what they want to do and what society says they should do?

If you’re responding with yes to those questions, then wanting the same for yourself is not selfish. It does not make you a bad Mom. It does not mean you are not making your children a priority. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. Not only are you setting that expectation for them.. you’re showing them hooooooow to do it.

Go Mama, Go.

 

I am 31 years old. I do not know everything and sometimes still struggle to adult yet I also feel more self aware than ever. I’m more aware now of boundaries and healthy communication than I’ve ever been. I’m aware that defining those things for me does not make me a mean human. I am a school counselor and spent four years guiding high school students out into the world. Now I’m working with middle schoolers. Unfortunately, I see a lot of young adults without biological parents. They’re with grandparents or aunts and uncles. That is okay, but it increases the need of some things. Even kiddos who have both parents in their home or two homes with loving, attentive parents, I cannot help but think 18 is still too young to throw out into the world.

Hear me out.

I am not saying 18 year olds cannot be adults. They’re ready by then to be done with school and make money or go to college. But society puts such a heavy emphasis on those college years being the best years of someone’s lives yet we also criticize those who don’t have it figure out just yet. That’s confusing. If that time frame is meant for exploring and finding oneself, that’s fine. My point is we need to stop acting like humans don’t need their parents or guidance after 18. They can be an adult and still need their parent. I mean, I do and I’m 31. Biologically brains are still developing until when?! 20 something?! We’ve had them in a structured environment, with teachers guiding them and consequences their entire lives and at 18 we say good luck! Again, letting 18 year olds become “adults” is fine… but let’s normalize, regular check ins with our adult children and stop acting like we don’t owe them anything once they become adults, let’s normalize career changes, let’s normalize education beyond high school and no I’m not saying college, I’m saying therapy and other support groups to help individuals navigate relationships and careers, such as healthy communication, personal and professional boundaries… let’s normalize that 18-mid 20s might not be the peak age for someone. We turn 21 and can legally have alcohol. So many individuals don’t know how to handle that. Maybe 30s is their peak. Maybe it’s 40s. Hell, my grandma is 80 something and I think she’s the best human ever loving on her kids, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.

Celebrating each stage of life is important. Supporting each stage of life is important.
Shaming someone, even adults, for needing help is not okay.
Life happens. Someone cannot predict things. How they’ll feel or react. How it might shift their universe. Seeking help is okay. Not having it all together at 30 is okay. So again, let’s normalize humans at any age, needing their parents, needing guidance, or needing support.

It is okay to not be okay.

Calling all the MOMS out there. Here is something for you to focus on DAILY. Damn it. Yes, daily! FOCUS ON YOU. You give so much of yourself everyday to your little humans and I applaud you for that. I know you wouldn’t have it any other way and it is also okay to need a moment to feel like YOU. Not Mom. But it’s so hard to separate the two.. and since it truly is so hard to find that separation, I am going to change your mindset. Stop trying to find a balance between the two. Let’s start normalizing being a Mom and being you. You don’t have to stop identifying as Mom to identify as yourself. Because I get it. Your kids make up the biggest part of your identity these days and that’s beautiful. Instead of seeking for the old you. Find the new you. The you that takes care of you and feels like a human all while still knowing your mom. Separating the two adds to your guilt! Mom guilt is bad enough as it is… don’t add unnecessary guilt to that. So enjoy yourself and moments of yourself without feeling guilty for “not being mom” for a second, hour, day, or weekend.

I challenge you to have a MOM moment everyday.

MOMENT OF ME

 

And I want to hear all about it. What did you do today for yourself?!?! No matter how small.

 

I am finding myself fixating on one word these days. One word that encompasses my mood or current state of mind. Today I drove an hour, kid free, and found myself focused on the word HOPE. I realized hope might be one of the hardest things. Often times what we hope  for might be dependent on someone else. I suppose that is why we call it hope. If it was something that we could control ourselves, we would talk about hardwork and determination. But hope… It fills us with a desire and one that we sometimes do not know how to face if not fulfilled.

 

I had a big name, IG influencer share my books today on her stories. She was kind enough to reply to me awhile ago and trust in me to send her my books. When I saw she tagged me, I filled with so much hope. Maybe this is my moment. Maybe this is how my name and books get out they’re. It is so hard to not get your hopes up sometimes.

This is where hardwork comes into play with the word hope. If it doesn’t work this time, I’ll keep trying. I believe in myself and my books enough to continue to try and put myself out there. My kids deserve that from me, too.

Change is hard. As humans, we’re tossed into systems (school, sports, clubs, babysitters, etc) and are essentially forced to adjust. We become creatures of habit. Some of us seek adventure. Some of us seek routine. Nonetheless, change whether chosen or uncontrolled brings all kinds of feelings to the surface. Some people say change is good. Forces us to become okay with the challenging.

If that’s true, I am here to tell you that even if you’re being forced to face the change, you never have to do it alone. Seeking a friend, family member, or even a therapist… is encouraged. You are not a burden. There will be times where the roles might reverse and you are the strong one. Living life trying to find an equal balance of things will leave you exhausted. You have to find an internal peace. Not an external balance.

So again, change can be hard.. especially the unexpected kind. I am a full believer in living each day trying to be better than who you were yesterday. That’s the beauty of being a human… we have the ability to learn. As long as you’re trying to be better and do better with each day and lesson, you’re doing just fine. Live for you and your internal peace. Not for the external worlds reassurance.

Think about it like walking on a log. You’re trying not to fall into the water below. But what if you do? Let it ruin your day? Or soak in the moment? Laugh and just keep swimming.

Words matter. I am not sure why anyone has ever tried to say any different. Sure… can we forgive? Yes. Can we further discuss the words and try to better understand why someone said what they said? Absolutely.

But not matter the context, words matter.

I pulled over from driving because a song came on and the need to type hit me. That is a simple reminder of the power of words. Ever repeat a song? Over and over? I do. And I do because it vibes with my mood at that moment in time. Whether it is my day. My chapter in life. I LOVE when I can replay a song over and over again. It reminds me I am not alone. It is the same with books. Reading helps us connect through words. I love to read in order to “escape reality” and by that I mean I can zone out into something that isn’t my own headspace for awhile.

The song on repeat today that hit me to my core says, “Out of touch with my feelings. I cannot help it if I am happy or sad. Today I cried for no reason.”

As an emotional human, I felt that.