Sadie Bee

It has been 8 months since I last posted here. Wow. I am sorry. Let me catch you up to speed and explain why I have been MIA.

Moved out–officially divorced–reconnected with my high school sweetheart–a surprise pregnancy–moved again–had a baby, and now here I am. Back to typing. Back to trying to sell my books.

For the last 8 months, I have been focused on trying to make a lot of changes not too traumatic for my toddlers. My daughter will be turning five in a few days and my toddler son is 2.5. We have been trying to learn how to have split homes, co-parent, and learning to live with “B” before the baby comes. When I tell you that children are amazing, I mean it. I was so worried how all of MY personal choices would affect them and at every turn, they have surpassed my expectations. Of course, there have been some very hard, very trying times. There have been some behavior regressions. But, I will say, SHOWING UP, and being their constant, has gone so much further. We have adjusted. We are adjusting. What matters is WE are doing it together.

So I am sorry I have been MIA. I have been focused on my family. Now, I am back. Trying to sell my books so I can PROVIDE for my family. “Single” Mom working full time, and I am still struggling. I live paycheck to paycheck. I want to be able to financially breathe.

I never know what I will get on here and type so hopefully something I share resonates with you. Check back periodically for my random Mom thoughts. You can also check out my socials for a more day-to-day look into my mom attempts at providing for my family.

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Yesterday what was taking my mindset were words. Other peoples words. About me. I gave them enough power to consume my mind for days. My attitude was affected.

Today, I woke up missing my two small humans, and was hit with a different mindset. How dare I operate as mother as life is too short for anything but happiness. How dare I want my kids to be whoever they want to be and not let others determine that for them. How dare I counsel kids and tell them not to let others bother them. How dare I counsel kids and tell them to be themselves. And yet here I was letting others do that to me. I’ve spent a lot of time in life going through motions. I am a people pleaser by nature. A giver at heart. If you’re happy, it makes me happy.

But today as I sit here, missing the biggest piece of heart, who is usually in my backseat… I am realizing I need to show them how to be genuine. How to process and cope with the words others might throw their ways. How to face their mistakes. How to own who they are. And that finding their happiness is what life should be about. They deserve that. I can be a kind person and a giver while still having boundaries. I need to show my children how to not let the cruel moments of life have control over them.

Anyone out there struggling to not let others have control of your internal peace? 👋 It is okay. Remember they are not the ones in your head, heart, and body everyday. You are the only one who has to close your eyes every night happy with who you are and the choices you make. We were not made for the entire world to understand us and our choices. That’s why we are all different. And it is okay. This world likes to use differences to tear people apart… so as hard as it is, don’t let those individuals tear apart your internal peace. The world does enough of that for us.

Why?

Why do humans thrive off of “drama?”

Why do humans enjoy “stirring the pot” for someone else’s lives?

Don’t we know the world can be unkind enough as it is without that added nonsense?

There have been so many speculations on my life lately and I get that. From the outside, I can understand how it looks, but the outside view is not the reality. Instead of people adding to the struggles of my day-to-day life… I wish they would just ask me. I’m not an open book where I am going to air all my dirty laundry and drag people through this yucky mud with me, but I also would much rather share as much of the truth as an outsider needs to stop the curiosity and rumor mills. I mean I find comfort in blogging so obviously some of my internal thoughts are out here to the public already. It is ridiculous. If you look at the life events I have gone through recently, the day-to-day of finding my new normal and showing up the best I can for my two toddlers is hard enough.

It is such a saddening thought that others find joy in bringing individuals down. I do not understand that. I understand there is a need to stick up for yourself. I understand there is a need for healthy boundaries. Those are not things that make you mean. It is the unkind, unnecessary words and the going out of your way to belittle someone else. -I know I  am no saint and it has taken me a fair amount of time to learn this, but that is the thing, I am not in high school anymore. I am 31. Why can adults be just as bad as kids? Isn’t that a big part of life? Growing up and changing? Learning? Trying to be better than who we were yesterday.

I am not saying you have to like me. I am simply stating many of the individuals judging me, speculating, and filling whatever void in their own life do not know me. It is like being caught in a wave and just when you think you’re swimming and maintaining above water, another wave comes out of nowhere and pulls you back down. But you cannot be down. You have two little humans who depend on you so no matter how hard it is to find the surface, you keep fighting. Finding that breath of air and staying afloat is worth so much more than the other things trying to drag you down. It is not easy. But life is worth it. They are worth it. You are worth it. And hopefully soon, the waves settle and you’re allowed to tread forward and land back on the surface to enjoy the view. The view of your hard work and the beautiful things that life can give.

 

Unexpected. One word that could describe so many different events. It could be describing good or bad. For me? I’ve had a lot of unexpected lately. Both the good and the bad kinds.

Whenever someone gets married, they don’t plan to get divorced. In fact, the goal would be exactly the opposite. To the outside world, many are surprised to find out that I am now in fact divorced. I have social media and I have it to share my children with distant family and to promote my children’s books. I don’t have it to air out my dirty laundry. I suppose the lack of sharing my personal life has led spectators to believe my life was picture perfect. What does unexpected have to do with the honesty part of my blog title? Because I am an honest person. Whether the truth makes someone uncomfortable, upset, or whatever their reaction maybe… I am not one to lie or keep secrets. Not promoting my inner most personal life on socials does not mean I’ve been lying—anyone in my closest circle knows and has known the struggles of my life. They’ve known the conflicting, exhausting internal battle I’ve faced for awhile now.

My divorce and where I am at in life now has come unexpected to some. Here is the simple, honest summary of my last few months of life.

I made the very hard decision to walk away from the life I’ve known for a long time. My home. People I’ll always consider family. It was not an easy choice but one I knew I needed to make. I had to find a new place to live and begin the transition for my two sweet babies into a new routine and new home. Within all of that, I closed myself off to the future I wanted.

As a Mom, and now single Mom, I put some serious mental restrictions on my life. I would not move on quickly. I would not get married again. I would not have more children. I was going to settle into my life as a single mom. Any single moms reading this? I am here to listen if you need a friend. Dating seems horrific. The idea of spending the little time I do not have my kids trying to find someone sounds exhausting. Not only do I have to find someone to love me, but my two children. Trial and error dating does not seem appealing so I told myself I was content being just Mom, school counselor, sister, daughter, aunt, and friend. As horrific as giving love another chance sounds, single Moms do deserve to be loved. So don’t close off that part of your life just yet. Because the unexpected can happen and it can be apart of your journey, too.

For me, I had just settled into my new little rental with my babies, when an old friend and I reconnected. What began as a simple exchange of texts catching up on life has quickly developed into the kind of relationship I am not sure I could ever say bye to. He has become the good, unexpected part of my story that I did not know I needed. Where will the next chapter take me? I guess only time will tell, but what I can tell you now is all of the mental stipulations I have been telling myself are all going away. This unexpected friendship has me opening my mind and heart to things I thought I had lost.

Stay tuned. I know I am. 🖤

I came across Own Your Stigma through social medias and I was immediately here for what they’re all about. As a school counselor and a Mom of two with some serious anxiety, I am a strong mental health advocate. I also have went all of my life being told I am too sensitive or am the emotional one.

I had a hard time picking just a few items to buy from them because I related to so many! Timing was on my side.. my apparel arrived when I needed it the most.

This week my divorce became finalized. The reactions were congrats.. are you happy.. how do you feel—and honestly, the answer is I felt all the feels. I was angry. I was sad. I was relieved. I was glad it was done. Allllllll the feels. It’s so hard to answer people with how you feel when it’s all of them. I did not know I could feel all those emotions within a matter of seconds.

So this comfy sweatshirt was perfect—I FEEL ALL THE FEELS and that is okay. Sometimes we will feel things we do not understand in the moment and that’s okay. Breathe. Process. And allow yourself to put YOU first.

Now I have to own my stigma—a divorced, single Mom. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but my mental health matters and I am finally in a place where I can allow myself to put that first. I’ll own it. Because I matter.

SADIE15 gets you 15% off at https://ownyourstigma.com/?ref=bBRoCziSRVb6yz 

 

As soon as we start our education journey, we are asked “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Some people who answer that question in Kindergarten might actually end up doing what they say at five, but probably not many. I wanted to be a marine biologist and then I learned that meant leaving Illinois… and my family. Then I became interested in baking and wanted to be a chef. And now I’m a school counselor yet my career journey began as a special education teacher.

As I sit here and I’m reflecting on my life, I am trying to get out of my head with how my life is supposed to be. I am in the middle of closing a chapter. It’s not a chapter I thought would close. It’s not a chapter that has been easy to close. It’s not a chapter I thought I would be the one to choose to close. And with that chapter closing, I have to accept that my life is not what I thought it would be which is what has me thinking back to that question of “what do you want to be when you grow up?” We push that on humans at such a young age… and yet there’s very little discussion with it about how humans are meant to change. We are meant to grow. We are meant to learn. We are meant to explore.

If I could go back and channel thoughts to my five year old self when asked about what I want to be when I grow up , I would say, “You want to be happy, Sadie. Just happy.”

If I could go back and channel thoughts to my ten year old self, I would say, “You want to be happy, Sadie. Just happy.”

 

If I could go back and channel thoughts to my 20 year old self, I would say, “You want to be happy, Sadie. Just happy.”

As I sit here today, at 31, in a position I never thought I would find myself in… I am realizing that I just want to be happy. Maybe it doesn’t look like what I thought it would. Maybe it doesn’t look like society says it should. I’m recognizing the weight of that simple question that we begin at five or even sooner, what do you want to be when you grow up… and how we need to recognize and discuss that life is not picture perfect. It’s not going to go exactly how we want. It throws curveballs all the time. Some of us may knock that curveball out of the park the first time and some of us may strike out, but does a strike out mean we never bat again? No. Every pitch has factors with it… the wind, the pitcher, the speed, the grip on the bat, the focus of the eye. So many things can affect the contact of the ball and the bat and where it will land, if they even connect at all. And honestly, I’m realizing that being up to bat, I am my own worst enemy. I’m in my head. My eye isn’t on the ball. My mind is so focused on what the world wants. What the crowd thinks I should do, or how I should be, and not on me.

We are meant to change. We adapt. We grow. We learn. We overcome. Do I love animals? Yes. All of them. Enter the five year old me wanting to help dolphins. Do I love to cook? Absolutely. I love improvising in the kitchen and seeing how it goes. Did I pursue either one of those for a career? No. But do they still make up a part of me? Absolutely. My interest throughout life have found their way into my life in other ways besides my career. They are things that make me happy but are not my job.

When asking someone what they want to be when they grow up—the answer should be happy. The focus should not be identifying a career as an identity. Let’s identify how to be happy. Okay right now you’re five, what makes you happy? Right now you’re ten, what makes you happy? You’re 20, what makes you happy? Oh no, life threw a curveball, and this chapter is extra hard, what do you NEED to be happy?

Get out of your head about what they teach us life should be. What we should be. Zone into yourself. Your mind and your body… and ask yourself, what do you need to be happy?!

That is what matters. You. Being. Happy. Life is too short for anything else. Find that internal peace. And it can change. We change. So don’t hesitate to pause and reflect. Listen to yourself and if you feel that internal peace taking a backseat again… pause, take a deep breath, and find your happy. Find your home-run moment, person, place, experience in every chapter. What makes you happy?

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8Pvadq2/

 

 

Statistics… Stats.. a class many people probably tried to avoid in school.

Statistics hits differently when you starting defining yourself as one. I am now a statistic. One I never thought I would be. One I vowed I would not be. But life… life sometimes hits you in a way that you cannot plan for. You cannot prepare for. So, here I am, a statistic. I mean honestly we all are…. you can find a statistic for what you look like. My daughter is four and has heard multiple times already how rare she is as a red headed blue eyed girl who could potentially left handed.

37.6%.. that is the stat I can identify with now.

Instead of labeling me as a statistic (or even my children because of my life choices they are a stat, too), why can’t the world just pause and think why? Is she okay? Is he okay? Are their kids okay? Does it really matter if we added to the percentage of divorces with children in the United States if we did what needed to happen to provide a HEALTHY life for them? Life happens. It sucks sometimes.  It really does, but if you have been or are in my shoes, ignore the statistic. Be proud of yourself for recognizing what you needed to start the road to becoming the best version of you. Sometimes two households is better than one. I was so worried about being labeled and what people would say, but at the end of the day does that matter? No. The important thing is that I can wake up everyday and say I am trying my best and I love my children. Honestly, I am starting to learn the importance and depth of loving myself, too. It takes a lot to ignore the words and statistics and do what you need to do for yourself.

My grandma is one of the best humans in this world and life has handed her some tricky cards. She said something to me that stuck. She said that is annoys her knowing that the response people will now give me  anytime something isn’t going well or right with my children’s choices is to blame it on them having divorced parents. She has every right to be annoyed because the outlook is so false. If my children make poor choices, it is not because their parents are divorced. It would be because there is a lack of PARENTING whether by two parents, one parents, married parents, divorced parents, step parents, adoptive parents—any kind of parent. Not because two people are parenting in a divorced setting. My children can have love, respect, communication, healthy boundaries, and a solid foundation of family while having two homes. It is when parents let their adult issues be more important than their children.

So, if my children ever need some extra guidance in life, it is not because I am a divorced mom. It is because

a) they are human

b) life can be hard

c) somewhere along the way they have lost faith in my ability to be there for them in the good and the bad

or d) they need extra help addressing internal things and that is okay.

Instead of focusing on the statistics that we now are, I am going to focus on being their constant. Loving them. Teaching them I am here for the ups and downs of life. I will be stern, but with explanation and LOVE. I will be honest with them. I will provide for them a healthy definition of family even if its coming from two homes.

So to statistics, I politely say goodbye.

It is time… almost. My third children’s book is almost done and ready to purchase. When my daughter was two, she went through a big “I can’t” phase. I always replied, “I can’t, YET” and explained to her one day she hopefully would be able to. From that routine of ours sparked my idea for a children’s book. I know there are I can’t, YET books out there but this one is different. It adds a fun twist to the idea that will hopefully help kids remember and help implement a growth mindset at a very young age.

Cozy up this winter with this book and spark some meaningful conversations with your babies. Stay tuned for when it is available! As a self-published author, production takes time. You do not want to wait on getting your hands on this book. I truly believe this one might be the next big hit in the children’s book world.

 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cz6W3f1u8fP/?igshid=ZDE1MWVjZGVmZQ==

Google says that peace is defined as freedom from disturbance. For awhile, as a Mom, I was not sure I would ever feel complete internal peace. Sounds pretty messed up right? But it goes hand and hand with the emotions of motherhood–I will always worry about my children, I will always question if I am doing the right thing or the best thing. Can I have those fears and internal peace? My to do list always seems a mile long. Disappointed when I do not tackle it all and yet cannot keep my eyes open. Can I accept it is okay that my to do list isn’t done? I am slowly learning that I can. Those big emotions of motherhood and the adult to do list will always be there, but that does not mean I cannot be okay with myself and who I am. I will not always make the right choices as a Mom or as a human, but showing my kids how to go through life being present and at peace with who they are will be one of the best things I can show them. Each day as my head hits the pillow after tucking in my two, sweet little babies, I try to remind myself if I gave today the best I could and my children felt loved, it is okay. I am okay. We are okay.

Recently my life has been chaotic. It has not been the fairytale one dreams of or the life I ever thought would be mine. And even in the middle of some really hard chaos, I have felt the most internally at peace that I have in a long time. I have put myself first. I am not nor have I neglected my children, but I am allowing my headspace and my emotions to be a priority. It is like I was underwater holding my breath and I forgot what it feels like to reach the surface and feel that grasp of air. I knew I needed it, but I did not know if I would ever get there again.

I have a long ways to go, but I can now see that I will get there. Day by day. So if you feel like you are drowning, you might be. You need to figure out whatever is weighing you down and find a way to let it go. Your internal peace is so important. If there is something in your life that is causing you to internally fight with yourself, that is not okay.

I always get a lot of compliments when I wear this sweatshirt. I’m always happy to say thank you. There is a stigma around mental health these days and I do not get it. Mental health is not new. It just the label “mental health” that gets people scared It is like saying the off brand of a food item isn’t the same concept as the name brand. Same idea. Different label.

Feeling sad? Feeling mad? Are you happy today? Are you excited? ALL HUMAN AND EMOTIONS AND ALL APART OF MENTAL HEALTH. Just because there is more awareness of it, more tools out there to “label” and help, and a lot more things in the world that increase some struggles does not make mental health a bad thing. Stop acting like it’s weird to not be okay.

Mental health just means taking care of YOU. It does not mean you are crazy. It does not mean there is something wrong with you. It does not make you weak. Or less. Your brain space is just as important as your emotional intelligence and your physical well being. We normalize seeing a doctor when there is something wrong and we cannot fix it on our own. Why would we not normalize seeing somebody trained in mental health when something is hard and we need help? It’s not all “feelings” like so many think. It also doesn’t mean anyone is failing. You’re not failing. Does your kid need help? You’re still not failing.

There are so many biological and outside factors that add into someone’s mental space. A lot beyond our control. Being aware and caring enough about yourself to do something is probably the biggest show of strength out there.

So, anyways, mental health matters. 🫶🏽